i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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