You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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