I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
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