I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
