I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
