Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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