just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
