I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
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