You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
