if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
