that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
