I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
