He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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