i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Princesses don't give blow jobs
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
