carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
