Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
