so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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