Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize