The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
