Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
