I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
