Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize