My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
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