i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize