and i looked up. we had an audience...
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
