You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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