You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
