the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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