hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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