The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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