just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
