I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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