Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Is it penis luge time yet?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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