I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
