Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
