After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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