this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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