You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
