hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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