i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Never let your siblings swipe right.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
