I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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