I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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