I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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