he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
