3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
