I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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