airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
