I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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