I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
