And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
