do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
