Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
