I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize