I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Randomize
