wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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