Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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