what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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