I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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