Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
