3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
