I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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