I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
