No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
