perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
