just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
