There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
