Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
