If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
All the doctor said was why
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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