Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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