Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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