I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
