I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
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