i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Farmville is her only friend.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
